Lately, when Rem gets up from her nap she wants me to sit on the couch and hold her. At first, I saw it as an inconvenience, I have things I needed to be doing, sitting on the couch was not one of them. Then one day my sis in law and I were talking about how house cleaning can always wait, that we need to make sure we snuggle our babies when we can. This phase passes so fast, and we surely need to soak it up. I don't know why I wasn't taking my own advice, but that day, when Rem woke up from her nap, I stopped what I was doing sat on the couch and cuddled her. She immediately took my hand and held it as she snuggled up to me. My heart melted. I now cherish the moments she wakes up from her nap, in fact, I look forward to it.
Today as I held Rem on the couch, I squeezed her a little tighter, as tears filled my eyes. I am sure, by now, most of you have heard about the most recent mass shooting in California. Unfortunately, it is just one of too many that have happened this year. As I held Rem I watched a video of a dad, heartbroken and crying as he talked about his son, who was senselessly shot. And my heart just broke. That could be any of us, at any time.
In today's world there are literally no more safe places. Every place we would once consider a safe environment has now been tainted by a person who has senselessly killed so many. I can't to the movies, church, send my kids to school, go to a restaurant, a concert the list goes on and on. And it just keeps getting scarier. I hate to say it, but yesterday as I dropped my big kids off at school, the though crossed my mind, what if they don't come home. I can't even bear the thought. I can't even comprehend sending my kids off to school or church, letting them attend and event, to have them never come home.
I hate that these are things we have to think about now a days. I hate that my kids have to live in a world of fear. I hate that they have lock down drills at school. The other day Kenz came home from school and told me about her most recent lock down drill. And I couldn't help but be sad. She explained where they all would hide so that a bad guy wouldn't hurt them. Don't get me wrong, I am thankful that schools have these in place, to help protect our kids, but I hate that this is even an issue in the first please.
I realize I am probably rambling now, but we have to do better. We have to make this world a better place for our kids. How many more innocent lives have to be lost? It is just not ok.
But I will not cower either. As scary as it may be, we will continue to live our lives. Because we have to. We cannot let them win. I will hug my kids a little tighter, pay more attention when my kids are trying to tell me things. Memorize their smile and their laugh. Pay extra attention to their tears. Let them know there is still so much good in this world. Teach them to be a little kinder, more inclusive. We have to do better.
