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Saturday, November 20, 2010

My Heart Is Heavy...

My heart is heavy tonight.
I know this may sound silly but I am a member of a group on Facebook called "Dear Deployment I hate you." I joined this group because first I totally agree with the name, and second it always helps to hear experiences of people who are going through similar situations as you. No matter where we live, what branch of the military we or our family members are in, we all know what deployment feels like. We all know what it is like to live with our loved ones millions of miles away in a dangerous warzone. We all know the worry that comes when you don't get contact for more than a couple of days (although the military's rule is no news is good news), we always jump to the worst conclusions when we go without hearing from them for long periods of time.
As I read over the experiences and posts that they make, I become more grateful for the deployment that I am going through. For example, I am grateful that Kenny is not part of the submarine team, where they go under water for months at a time, which means no contact with the family members. There are girls that haven't heard from their husbands for months at a time because they are underwater. Luckily I get to hear from mine at least every couple of days, it hasn't been more than 3 days this deployment. I am thankful that my husband was sent to Iraq and not Afghanistan, because Iraq is much calmer than Afghanistan right now. Not that Iraq is safe by any means, but it is definitely calmer. I am thankful that this is ONLY my husbands second deployment. I have met women that are on their fifth and sixth deployment. I cannot imagine having Kenny gone six times for a year every time. This group has been good for me because it has definitely put me into perspective. My trial is nothing, compared to most of these ladies, and as much as I wonder why us, why again, why two deployments, Heavenly Father is constantly reminding me that my trial is very easy compared to those others going through deployments, and for that I think Heavenly Father everyday. He definitely needed to put me in my place.
But today as I read through the posts of the ladies my heart sank when I read this "Dear Deployment, he is dead now...." He is dead now. My eyes teared up as I read that line. Unfortunately you hear of troops being killed in the line of duty too often. My heart cries every time I hear this, but when I read it today from this girl who just lost her best friend and boyfriend, I can't keep the tears from running down my face. I mean I know death is possible, it is a risk you take when you choose to serve your country, but this made it all too real. As I read more into her story, she said the last time they talked it was an argument and she wished that she wouldn't have wasted those last precious moments.....If only she had known.
This definitely reminded me of a few things, whether your loved one is deployed, sitting right next to you, in another state, off to school, whatever it may be, how are we spending those precious moments. Are we wasting our time arguing about things that don't really matter in the long run. Are we reminding our loved ones of how much we actually love them? Are we taking every precious moment to let them know that we care? Because tomorrow is not promised, and I think too many times we take that for granted. Yes I would like to believe and hope that all my loved ones and friends will be with me until their old age, but Heavenly Father has a plan for some of those people, and at any moment He can take them to be with him again.

This makes me thankful for the gospel. I am thankful for eternal families. I am thankful for the plan of salvation and knowing that I will live with my family again in heaven. I know that this life is not the end, and although it will never be easy to loose a loved one, and I can't imagine the thought of my husband never coming home from this deployment. I have to have faith in God's plan for us.

My heart goes out to all of those that loose loved ones during deployment, I can't even imagine how that would be. Especially because it has been months since most of them have seen their loved ones. They make the ultimate sacrifice, and for that I will be forever grateful.