October 26, 2009

I am sure most of you have heard by now of the incident that occurred on the Arizona State University Campus yesterday. If you did not I will briefly explain it to you or you can look up the story here http://www.statepress.com/node/8727 . Yesterday a graduate student committed suicide in his professors office while they were talking. He just pulled out a gun in the middle of their conversation and shot himself. Wow. I am almost speechless. But as this happened I feel the need to write out my feelings, so this is it. Feel free to read on or not. While I am saddened by this event and my thoughts go out to his family and friends, I have mixed feelings of sadness and thankfulness, I am also a little scared. I am of course, sad for the family of this student, who now has to figure out how to live life without their loved one. I too had a family member commit suicide and let me tell you it is very hard on the loved ones left behind. So I pray that his family is comforted in this time of need. Next, I am thankful that his intent was only to kill himself, and not to go on a shooting spree and kill other innocent lives. You hear about school shooting, more often then most of us would like, but we still think, oh that would never happen at my school. I thought that too, until this event that brought the story a little to close to home. Luckily, I was not on campus yesterday, but what if this man had decided to kill many others before he ended his own life? What if friends of mine that were on campus yesterday were involved in more than just one man's suicide? I am thankful that this man only took one life, his own, and did not kill other innocent lives. And lastly, this event instilled more of a fear in me. This man came onto campus with a gun, and nobody knew. Nobody. That is so scary to me. As I got in the elevator today and there was one other student in there with me, I could not help but think, what if he has a gun too. What if he is going to shoot? I know that situations can happen anywhere and that you can be injured doing almost anything. But it is scary to think that people around me could have weapons without anyone knowing. I am sure going to be more cautious and careful, doing what I can, but if the weapon is concealed, I guess there is not much I can do besides put my faith in Christ and hope that if it is my time to go I am ready. I hope I am ready.

When I Grow Up...

When I grow up I want to be a teacher, a doctor, a nurse, a firefighter, a policeman... This is along the lines of what you will hear when you ask a child what they want to be when they grow up. When I was asked that question, I often answered I don't know maybe a teacher? I just want to help people. Well here I am a Junior and college, I am majoring in Psychology and minoring in Human and Family Development. But what do I want to be when I grow up. As everyone else in my major begin applying for graduate school, doing research and devoting every waking minute to the program I think, is this what I really want? To be stuck in school, and having it own me for the next 4-5 years?? Not really. Honestly I want to be done with school as soon as possible! But then I think to myself. Well if you don't continue with school what are you going to be? With such a competitive market out there, there is not much you can do with a bachelors degree is psychology, I have to do more schooling. Maybe I should have thought of this before I picked my major, but I didn't, I picked my major because I thought it was interesting and because I wanted to help people, more specifically be a counselor and help people overcome their problems. The type of counseling I have wanted to do has varied, from marriage and family, to marriage and family with an emphasis in military and helping spouses and children survive deployment, cause I know it was easier to survive a deployment when I had someone going through it with me. Then I thought school counseling would be ok too. I could help young lives find direction. But I really don't know what I want to be. I just want to help people. The more I ponder on what to do next, the more stuck I am. To me, success is not measured on how much schooling you have or how much money you make. If you tell me you have a Master's degree I don't see you anymore successful than a mom with 5 kids who has been at home raising them. To me she has a Master's too, only she did not sit in the classroom to get it, she earned it through years and years of trial and error, and her reward is much more sweet, and pays more than any Master's degree does. As as I ponder the roles of the mothers I know, my mother, aunts, grandmothers, and friends I think, wow what a job! Isn't the job of a mom helping people? Changing lives, and molding them to choose the right and be God's children? Maybe what's best for me is to be a mom, to help people that way. I don't know, maybe I will never decide what I want to be when I grow up.