There is Sunshine in my Soul..

There is sunshine in my soul today. Why you ask? Because of this beautiful little girl. Everyday I thank Heavenly Father for such a sweet little girl. The love I feel for this little beauty is indescribable. I will admit I was scared to death to have a baby, and that is one of the reasons among others, that we waited so long to have kids. I was the one holding Kenny back. I always joke that if Kenny would have made the decision, we would have had a baby in the first year of marriage. He was ready from the day we got married. I wasn't sure that I would ever be ready, I felt completely inadequate. I know that you can never really be ready for a baby. But I felt that I wasn't even close to being ready. But Heavenly Father definitely has a different plan for us. This pregnancy wasn't planned, but I guess Heavenly Father felt we were ready, and although being a parent isn't easy, I wouldn't trade this beautiful girl for anything.

Mostly I think that Heavenly Father blessed us with this little girl because He knew that I needed her. I know that I am supposed to be the one to help her learn and grow, but she helps me learn and grow everyday. She has strengthened me and given me hope. And on those days when I feel like giving up, like throwing in the towel and saying this deployment is too hard, I look at this beautiful daughter of God and realize that I can't give up, I have to do it for her. I take her in my arms and cuddle her until that feeling goes away and that smile gives me the strength to go on for a few more days.

It is kind of an overwhelming feeling to have someone who relies on you. I have never been a very independent person. It wasn't until Kenny's first deployment that I was kind of forced to find some kind of independence. I have always kind of relied on other people. But now I have this little human being, relying on me. To make sure she is fed, changed, safe and secure. But I love this little girl and hope that I can be a great mom to her like my mom is to me.